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 Slave of Cthulhu
Marijuana Connoisseur
 
Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 5,131
Loc: R'lyeh
Last seen: 7 months, 8 days
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 The Book of Man Law  1
#537659 - 03/17/11 03:46 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Hella just found something I wrote back in High School. I thought you guys might get a kick out of it. I sure did, haha. A few of the things in there I found online but most of it came from me. Feel free to call me retarded.
Book Of Man Law
Written For Men, By Men
Table Of Contents
Section I:
- Men and Other Men
Section II:
- A Mans Wife and or Girlfriend
Section III:
- Men and Food
Section IV:
- Men and Sex
Section V:
- Men In Life or Death Situations
Section VI:
- Men and Drinking
Section VII:
- Men and Shopping
Section VIII:
- A Mans Manliness
Section IX:
- Men and Movies
Section I: Men And Other Men
1. Thou shalt inform all men about this book, in order to further the cause for manliness. Any man who leaves his fellow man in the dark shall no longer be considered a man.
2. Thou shalt not peek at another man when urinating…(eyes on the wall)
3. Thou shalt not do anything sexual with another man IN ANY CASE!
4. If you lick an object, it is henceforth your property until another man claims it by doing the same thing.
5. Thou shalt never disrespect another mans mother.
6. Thou shalt always be sure your daughter’s boyfriend knows who is the boss.
7. Thou shalt never ask another man to help you move without paying him with a beer.
8. Thou must know another man for at least six months before you can ask him to help you move.
9. Thou must wait two years before you ask the same man to help you move again
Section II: A Man And A Women
1. Thou shalt not hit or abuse a woman.
2. Thou shalt not cheat on a woman.
3. Thou shalt always treat a girl like a lady, because courtesy goes a long way in the modern world. Unless she proves otherwise!
4. Thou shalt not chase around or stalk any woman who is not interested in him.
5. Thou shalt use duct tape for anything found broken. Save for items falling within womanly territory, unless asked by the female owner or said item to fix it.
Section III: Men And Food
1. Thou shalt only have one bit of vegetables per every three bites of meat.
2. Thou shalt never break bread with a knife; he shalt use his bare hands. Knives are only permitted for items such as jelly, where it has a sticky consistency.
3. Thou shalt not eat foods like coos coos, quiche, and other non-manly foods.
4. Thou shalt have a beer with every dinner.
Section IV: Men And Sex
1. Thou shalt not rape.
2. If you and your significant other are doing it doggy style, remember that you can both be watching T.V. Keep this in mind.
3. Thou shalt not come unless your significant other has come first. (It’s embarrassing to blow your load first. Hold it in as long as possible. Try and say the alphabet backwards.)
4. Thou shalt perfect his ways in bed. (Its not good if you suck.)
5. Remember…NO FAT CHICKS!
Section V: Men In Life or Death Situations
1. Asking for directions is acceptable ONLY in life or death situations.
2. Thou shalt never admit, “I don’t know” to a female. Only in life or death situations is it acceptable. Try and ask ones fellow man before admitting you don’t know.
3. No man should ever hit another man in the testicles unless it’s a life or death situation. It’s just not right…
Section VI: Men And Drinking
1. Thou shalt conduct himself in a manner when drinking.
2. Thou shalt always have beer when guest are over.
3. Thou shalt never order bitch beer when in a bar.
4. Beer is acceptable with any afternoon or evening meal.
Section VII: Men And Shopping
1. Man shall never find himself more comfortable in a shopping mall than a forest.
2. Men do not shop. Men buy things.
3. When in a store, buy ONLY what you need.
4. Never let a woman pick out clothes for you. (Its embarrassing)
Section VIII: A Mans Manliness
1. If your playing any sport and you get injured and taken off the field in a stretcher, you had better be rushed to the hospital and not standing on your own two feet.
2. It is NOT okay for a man to get a manicure!
3. A real man would never become a tow truck driver.
4. Men shall work to reinstate the code of chivalry because it is good to act honorably and carry a sword.
5. Thou shalt not act like a little girl, which means no stealing another man’s seats, smacking, slapping, whining, etc.
6. It is not okay to use the word “cute”.
7. It’s okay for a man to leave the toilet seat up. It’s what men do.
8. A real man would choose death before dishonor.
9. Thou shalt never pick up a seashell while walking down the beach. It’s just not manly.
10. Once a day, try to stand like Captain Morgan.
Section IX: Men And Movies
1. By the time a man reaches adolescence, he should have watched every Rambo and Terminator movie.
2. Thou shalt never watch a soap opera willingly.
3. Thou shalt never willingly watch any movie featuring Sandra Bullock, and/or Julia Roberts. Unless your significant other promises to put out after-wards.
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 drawde
Registered: 11/15/09
Posts: 5,268
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8. A real man would choose death before dishonor.
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King Koopa said:
The amount of pot that Gask smokes is equivalent to a guy shooting heroin on weekends
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Slave of Cthulhu
Marijuana Connoisseur
Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 5,131
Loc: R'lyeh
Last seen: 7 months, 8 days
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Re: The Book of Man Law [Re: drawde]
#537672 - 03/17/11 04:43 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah, I like that one too.
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Shroomofdoom
Menace 2 Society
Registered: 10/28/10
Posts: 401
Loc: Dark side of the moon
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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haha, Like it man +5 from me.
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iStoner
Astral Beast
Registered: 06/09/10
Posts: 7,176
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Re: The Book of Man Law [Re: Shroomofdoom]
#537685 - 03/17/11 06:08 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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10. Once a day, try to stand like Captain Morgan.
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MFDoom666
trash hoarder
Registered: 04/24/08
Posts: 8,842
Loc: emerica
Last seen: 7 years, 8 days
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great read.
lulz galore and truths revealed.
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FurrowedBrow said:
They should teach african engineering at the college level. mcgyver 101
Harry_Ba11sach said:
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
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FRACTALife
Rust Fuckin' Cohle
Registered: 03/19/10
Posts: 6,838
Loc: Carcosa 
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Quote:
Slave of Cthulhu said:
3. Thou shalt not do anything sexual with another man IN ANY CASE!
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MFDoom666
trash hoarder
Registered: 04/24/08
Posts: 8,842
Loc: emerica
Last seen: 7 years, 8 days
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Re: The Book of Man Law [Re: FRACTALife]
#537753 - 03/17/11 10:59 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
FRACTALife said:
Quote:
Slave of Cthulhu said:
3. Thou shalt not do anything sexual with another man IN ANY CASE!
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FurrowedBrow said:
They should teach african engineering at the college level. mcgyver 101
Harry_Ba11sach said:
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
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Slave of Cthulhu
Marijuana Connoisseur
Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 5,131
Loc: R'lyeh
Last seen: 7 months, 8 days
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Re: The Book of Man Law [Re: MFDoom666]
#537849 - 03/18/11 11:43 AM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Haha, I'm glad you guys like it. I wrote it for men everywhere. It was so random findin that file while searchin through my shit. It's like 6 years old now, haha. Feel free to add into it if you want. There's always room for more man law.
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Shaggy420
Registered: 07/06/10
Posts: 3,372
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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gave me a good laugh +1
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Slave of Cthulhu
Marijuana Connoisseur
Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 5,131
Loc: R'lyeh
Last seen: 7 months, 8 days
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Re: The Book of Man Law [Re: Shaggy420]
#537913 - 03/18/11 04:11 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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I'm glad brotha.
I really think I should get this published into like a pocket sized guide book.
I'd hand it out to men everywhere for like $5.
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drawde
Registered: 11/15/09
Posts: 5,268
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5. Thou shalt use duct tape for anything found broken. Save for items falling within womanly territory, unless asked by the female owner or said item to fix it.
Thats alright but I think its a lot more manly to fix something legitimately.
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King Koopa said:
The amount of pot that Gask smokes is equivalent to a guy shooting heroin on weekends
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Slave of Cthulhu
Marijuana Connoisseur
Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 5,131
Loc: R'lyeh
Last seen: 7 months, 8 days
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Re: The Book of Man Law [Re: drawde]
#537927 - 03/18/11 05:25 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah, I agree. Feel free to revise it for me if you wish. Like I said, SOME of these I found online but most of em came from me.
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