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 spirit_shadow
Old mate firebender
Registered: 09/08/15
Posts: 2,346
Last seen: 5 minutes, 33 seconds
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 MDC  3
#849771 - 09/21/21 12:21 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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Got my property taxes paid now I'm back home and in trim jail. How is your guys' day going?
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bruh....
Ban Lotto
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 Connectedcosmos
Neti Neti
Registered: 06/05/18
Posts: 263
Loc: Tat Tvam Asi
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Cooking chicken , n rice pilaf
Getting stoned 2 d b0n3
Very excited to trip this weekend   
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spirit_shadow
Old mate firebender
Registered: 09/08/15
Posts: 2,346
Last seen: 5 minutes, 33 seconds
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Mmmm sounds good....im having a certified stoner classic..... mac n cheese lol
Edit: and zero sugar skittles drink mix :p
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bruh....
Ban Lotto
Edited by spirit_shadow (09/21/21 04:21 PM)
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 Niffla
Stranger
Registered: 05/03/21
Posts: 803
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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Quote:
spirit_shadow said:
Got my property taxes paid now I'm back home and in trim jail. How is your guys' day going?
Quote:
Connectedcosmos said:
Very excited to trip this weekend
Nice!! Do you have any ideas on how you're going to spend your trip?
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SameThing
Registered: 08/27/21
Posts: 1,316
Loc: ΣΔЯТН 
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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Re: MDC [Re: Niffla]
#849783 - 09/21/21 07:42 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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I think he’s gonna watch a movie  by the sounds of it.
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Connectedcosmos
Neti Neti
Registered: 06/05/18
Posts: 263
Loc: Tat Tvam Asi
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Not exactly sure how I will spend it 
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Jenny
Registered: 11/18/19
Posts: 1,040
Loc: San Francisco
Last seen: 14 hours, 50 minutes
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im goin out into the yard today 
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kreg
Registered: 09/15/21
Posts: 1,479
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
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Re: MDC [Re: Jenny]
#849847 - 09/22/21 03:45 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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nice flowers spirit looks crisp! mm!
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This site is dead and nobody here is even growing
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Niffla
Stranger
Registered: 05/03/21
Posts: 803
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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Re: MDC [Re: Jenny] 1
#849850 - 09/22/21 04:04 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
kreg said:
nice flowers spirit looks crisp! mm!
Yeah they look scrumptious
Quote:
Jenny said:
im goin out into the yard today
like did you pull weeds or sumthin
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Connectedcosmos
Neti Neti
Registered: 06/05/18
Posts: 263
Loc: Tat Tvam Asi
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Re: MDC [Re: Niffla]
#849855 - 09/22/21 04:28 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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spirit_shadow
Old mate firebender
Registered: 09/08/15
Posts: 2,346
Last seen: 5 minutes, 33 seconds
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Just got into heated bullshit argument over phone. Went into rage mode punched some shit I dont even know what by my knuckles is swollen, fuck it.... I really do hate my life. I wish I believed in suicide....and before anyone says "life is worth it or no don't do it" let me say is your entire immidiate family that usually is your blanket in life still alive? Oh they are? Then shut the fuck up and leave me alone.
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bruh....
Ban Lotto
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Niffla
Stranger
Registered: 05/03/21
Posts: 803
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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Quote:
spirit_shadow said:
Just got into heated bullshit argument over phone. Went into rage mode punched some shit I dont even know what by my knuckles is swollen, fuck it.... I really do hate my life. I wish I believed in suicide....and before anyone says "life is worth it or no don't do it" let me say is your entire immidiate family that usually is your blanket in life still alive? Oh they are? Then shut the fuck up and leave me alone.
I'm not going to pretend to know exactly what you're going through (because I don't), but I promise you my life isn't great shakes either my guy. Now my situation is different than yours, but nevertheless I still do seem to be living in my own personal hell as well. You're not alone in your despair or depression.
We love you man and are here for you 
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spirit_shadow
Old mate firebender
Registered: 09/08/15
Posts: 2,346
Last seen: 5 minutes, 33 seconds
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Re: MDC [Re: Niffla] 1
#849870 - 09/22/21 08:38 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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Thanks man, you too <3 it just sucks...
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bruh....
Ban Lotto
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Niffla
Stranger
Registered: 05/03/21
Posts: 803
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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It really does sometimes. Maybe even a lot of times, depending on the person and situation.
For the longest I've just been...existing. Not living. Time has been going by me at frightening speed. And I just don't feel good anymore. Only time I have a good time anymore is when I'm drinking or tripping. I have crippling insomnia. Constant back pain. I'm perpetually tired and weak. Also I have this ever present black cloud hovering over me -- where I'm always thinking the worst is going to happen to me or those I love. This existential dread that is always present. Like the fucking grim reaper following me or something. There's something seriously wrong with me.
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spirit_shadow
Old mate firebender
Registered: 09/08/15
Posts: 2,346
Last seen: 5 minutes, 33 seconds
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Re: MDC [Re: Niffla]
#849873 - 09/22/21 10:06 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Niffla said:
It really does sometimes. Maybe even a lot of times, depending on the person and situation.
For the longest I've just been...existing. Not living. Time has been going by me at frightening speed. And I just don't feel good anymore. Only time I have a good time anymore is when I'm drinking or tripping. I have crippling insomnia. Constant back pain. I'm perpetually tired and weak. Also I have this ever present black cloud hovering over me -- where I'm always thinking the worst is going to happen to me or those I love. This existential dread that is always present. Like the fucking grim reaper following me or something. There's something seriously wrong with me.
I want to end it all but my luck is so shitty I know for a fact I wouldn't die and I would just be a vegitable.
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bruh....
Ban Lotto
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SameThing
Registered: 08/27/21
Posts: 1,316
Loc: ΣΔЯТН
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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Damn bro sorry to hear you havin a hard day if its any consolation i can go from zero to 99 pretty quick, i have a whole pile of burnt bridges because of it. Its weird though how we punch things to release rage. I heard someone yelling at their dog just yesterday from a good kilometre away, fully angry at the dog because it wasnt obeying his command. I was like wow, that dude is mega raging rn. Im more of a destroyer of things than a yeller. Havent been to that place in a long time though.. i tend to walk away before i get into the 90s. People are my trigger though so probably why i chill on my own so much.
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spirit_shadow
Old mate firebender
Registered: 09/08/15
Posts: 2,346
Last seen: 5 minutes, 33 seconds
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Well I punch things now because I am completely alone and I have literally nowhere to put the overflowing emotion. It gets to a point where it HAS to manifest...and it's not an everyday thing. I just lost my shit because I may lose the one person I have left and want to get to. I don't know how much longer I can take being 100% alone.
Edit:I also get crazy sometimes when I stop being on the go all the time because when I stop I think. When I think I hurt. For a split second sometimes I'll think "I should go visit dad." Or "I want to take my brother to the mall" then I realize I can't and it's just too much....people usually at least have one family member left they can lean on. I don't.
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bruh....
Ban Lotto
Edited by spirit_shadow (09/23/21 07:23 AM)
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SameThing
Registered: 08/27/21
Posts: 1,316
Loc: ΣΔЯТН
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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“Idle hands are the devils workshop” im not religious but i like that saying, its so true.
I've been doing a bit of reminiscing myself last few days. I started up a journal. Its amazing how many memories i have that i forgot about.
Aloneness and Loneliness are not the same but we think of them as being the same. Sounds like you are both right now.
Isolation is one of the worst things a human can experience. We are social creatures. That is why they use solitary confinement as a punishment in prisons. So if you are alone and isolated from loved ones then it would be totally normal to not be ok with that situation.
Sending good vibez to you bro.
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kreg
Registered: 09/15/21
Posts: 1,479
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
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Quote:
spirit_shadow said:
Just got into heated bullshit argument over phone. Went into rage mode punched some shit I dont even know what by my knuckles is swollen, fuck it.... I really do hate my life. I wish I believed in suicide....and before anyone says "life is worth it or no don't do it" let me say is your entire immidiate family that usually is your blanket in life still alive? Oh they are? Then shut the fuck up and leave me alone.
because when youre on the floor paralyzed dying watching your life happen in 4d mode while the mortician fills you up with sawdust youre probably going to wish you could still walk around and tell everyone youre sorry. Something like that right? 
Dude be careful boxer fractures suck and the loss of hand mobility is permanent!
If you EVER need a person to chat with please spam me up
Happy youre handling things well-enough.
Hurts me to see how many good people have to deal with these sort of things
Quote:
We are social creatures. That is why they use solitary confinement as a punishment in prisons. So if you are alone and isolated from loved ones then it would be totally normal to not be ok with that situation
^^ i hate it but its true
I used to wish that I could cop out of this by proclaiming made-up insecurities and "introvert"edness
looking back  about all the great friends i could have made along the way
Edited by kreg (09/23/21 07:57 AM)
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spirit_shadow
Old mate firebender
Registered: 09/08/15
Posts: 2,346
Last seen: 5 minutes, 33 seconds
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Re: MDC [Re: kreg]
#849908 - 09/23/21 08:07 AM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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Thanks man, it means a lot. I know I'm not alone in my despair and I am 100% with you in the sense that it is fucked up that good people have horrible things happen to them. It's why I don't believe in karma. If I raped or killed someone in cold blood blood sure. But I've never even considered doing an evil act like that before so what the fuck did I do to deserve this shit?
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bruh....
Ban Lotto
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