Locked outside for 3 hours... in 35C heat, and I didn't get my fucking popcorn machine. - The Smoke Lounge

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kidaihuan
Married to an Asian

Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 1,733
Loc: Shanghai, China
Last seen: 16 years, 4 months

Locked outside for 3 hours... in 35C heat, and I didn't get my fucking popcorn machine.

#91900 - 07/24/08 12:52 AM (16 years, 4 months ago)

So that licked sweaty man balls.

Here's the background story.

My silk pajama pants are not to be found, and I assume that they are being washed or they got stolen (had some women's underwear and a shitload of my counterfeit jeans get stolen off the lines a few days back). Now, it's fucking hot, so I'm not going to wear pants - but since people burst into the room without knocking long enough for me to cover my manhood - I've gotta fucking wear something.

Now, here's the problem. My other pair of pajamas has a huge ass rip right on the crotch, so naturally, half the time my giant penis is flopping out the hole and dangling around - not a problem when it's hot out and I'm just sitting around - I can push it back in by the time someone opens the door.

*However* I can't walk downstairs and meet the courier in these - cause what if he sees my giant cock and bro rapes me? Plus it's fucking weird, and it flops out because of the hole.

*SO!*

This brings me to my story.

My wife ordered me a popcorn machine for my birthday (I said I'd prefer a cotton candy machine, but phhh... she hates the stuff.) And I was told by her that I should be expecting it today.

So I'm like, fuck yeah.

Later on, about 11am, there's some yelling outside and someone's honking their horn - yay, popcorn machine arrives - or so I thought.

Quickly I strip (oh yeah!) and toss on some pants (going commando) and a counterfeit Timberland T-Shirt. I grab my manbag (which has my money, cellphone and keys), but I just drop it on the stairs so that I can put on my shirt faster (I could just go back and get it easily if I needed to pay for anything).

So I whip open the door and the guy is like "Wtf? a white guy?"

He asks if I am my wife, and I say yes, and then gets me to sign for the parcel before he leaves. As I am taking the parcel, *SLAM* and in my mind, *FUCK*.

The door just fucking blew shut behind me. I'm fucking locked out. But at least I have a fucking popcorn machine.

So, with nothing else to do, I go for a walk in a housing development area (not too many people because the houses there are expensive as fuck). Along the way, I pick up a rock so that I can cut the tape on the box.

First thought, we probably got conned and they gave us a shitty popcorn machine, because it was a pretty small fucking box. So I cut it open anyway, and wtf? A bunch of small things wrapped in newspaper. I have to assemble it to?!

Then I unwrap the small things.

Lotions. Fucking lotions. NO GODDAMN COTTON CANDY MACHINE, NOT EVEN A GODDAMN POPCORN MACHINE.

Fucking shit the next three hours sucked balls knowing that when I went back inside, I wouldn't be able to make myself fucking popcorn.

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