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Okay guys, I've had a fairly productive morning and I thought I would share with you the fruits of my labour, because you deserve a gangster-ass back yard and I'm going to show you how to build one over the next couple months as I improve mine in my excess of spare time.
If your back yard if as shit as mine, you probably have red clay everywhere and can't just run a rototiller without having to cover everything under a bulk of topsoil afterwords anyway.
The house I moved into was previously occupied by an older schizophrenic man and two young juggalo rednecks who left everything all fucked up. They're douchebags. Like I said, they're rednecks, so they left a shitty fire pit.
Let's go fuck it up.
Go gather your tools. I'm using everything manual so you can see how easy this is, and because I moved into this house recently and don't have shit for tools right now. Since you just moved into a shit-hole that got hoarding and not excessive cleaning out of the OCD draw, dig around the garage and find an abortion of what you can assume used to be a copper mallet circa 1809. Complete with crowbar. Get a shovel and a pick-ho, borrow someone's saw and level (AND RETURN IT, dick). Make sure you use the bucket of mostly-bent nails you found in the garage so you can use that crow-bar a bit.
You'll probably need some lumber, too. I've got some 8ft long 4x4's, and some boards that were 12ft 6in long but I had 9 ft portions cut off of each board (6 boards total) to make appropriate lengths for the sides as well as leaving boards just over 3 feet for the ends. Leave the pick-ho laying around pictures for dramatic effect.
Cut your 4x4's in half.
Fuck up the ground a bit where you want your bed to sit, and shovel out the loose dirt. Use boards to get a basic idea of how much.
More.
Good, okay, now nail three of the short boards to two of your 4x4's. Do this twice.
Now, go lay down 3 of your long boards and stand up those end pieces.
Lay the remaining 3 boards across the top and nail those suckers in. Make sure you're careful to keep everything measured up and even so other males don't mock your lack of construction skills when they come to stand next to you to comment about the meat at your next BBQ.
Try to remember why you thought using your lil dicked up hammer would be faster than going out to buy a new one, as you lose faith in your ability to soundly reason.
Once you have the first 3 nailed in, flip your C shaped structure over and nail the other three in.
Try to flip your box into the roughed up area.
Looks fucked up. Double check.
Okay. The 4x4's are way too fucking long, so I cut them down from 20in down to 5in so I still have a little bit of anchor to the corners. Save the 15 in peices so we can make something with them later. Go around each side with the level to make sure everything is set correctly.
That's much better. Seal/paint it or whatever, fill in around the edges, and you're pretty much done. Fill it with topsoil, and then go do other cool shit.
Note: I started yesterday evening so I could see where the last bit of light hits in my back yard. That way I was able to tell where the best place to put the raised bed was, getting the most light out of the day.
/// Update: small herb bed
After seeing PO's pics, I used the spare bits of 4x4 that I chopped off of the original as corners for a small herb patch.
---
update (also I forgot to mention any pricing)- I filled one of the beds (top soil, perlite, sheep poo, peat, mushroom compost) and shoveled around 15 cubic feet of mulch around the outside to make it look a bit nicer. I'll get the larger bed filled at the begining of march. I guess I'll kind of build all of my future projects off of this as a center point so there's not little pockets of nice looking back yard amidst a deadgrass shithole.
For anyone who's wondering, the large bed costs under $100 to build, smaller one was more like $20. The large bed will hold about 3 cubic meters of soil, which will run you $100-200 if you're buying soil in bulk depending on the quality.
Thanks cheezy! With topsoil that deep I doubt I'll have anything less than pepper trees hahaha. I will be growing hellfire and brimstone from that box.
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