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I have been sober minus a few shots the other night, for about 3 months now... For the most parts it is okay, like when I am not thinking about anything. But everyday multiple times a day I will get intense depression. Drinking on the weekends or occasional pot or pills always kept me in a like balance and kept the dark cloud away.
Now I feel like the cloud is coming at me from all directions and I have to duck and try to dodge it every chance I get. I have things that I normally do that keep my mind off of the world.... But these things aren't doing it anymore, I am trying to save money and still just everyday I think about drugs.
I have a bunch of different roads I want to take in life but feel I am uncapable of following any of these, accept my hitchike / trainhop around america plan, or my join the army and KILL FOR PEACE??? plan.
My goals are finally enrolling in college, which I think I will fail out of really quickly.. Getting a degree thats useful, IDK why because I fucking hate society and plan to live in the middle of nowhere on my own land in an "earthship". But I guess I can use my education to join the peace corps and get a job to get the money for my land.
BUT that plan seems so un fucking real its not even funny. Mostly because I cannot complete college. I definately don't want the typical "American Dream" fucking bullshit corporate slave lifestyle. Even though to be deemed successful in america that is what you have to have. But fuck everyone who agrees with that. I feel like I am going to snap and overdose on pills. I am not sure why I even wrote this all, mainly because of my fucking sober hissy fits because "lifes so hard" I just really hate society and feel I fucking need drugs to feel happy while existing inside of it.
-------------------- Things you can do, some can't be done!
Also, when I analyze any part of my life it just irritates the fuck out of me, initially I was set up for success but I just burned all my fucking bridges and sit in a shit hole slowly sinking, haha maybe I should write a song about it... hahahahaha. Even making music can't pull me out right now.
-------------------- Things you can do, some can't be done!
ima little bit naturally depressed too, but its the dark that helps you appreciate the light
I dont need drugs at all, but weed in moderation never hurt anybody
I do use hard drugs on occasion (maybe a little more), but its kind of a hobby of mine, I accept the risks and know myself enough to (so far) to avoid any serious consequences
I would not advise my lifestyle to anyone, lots of people I know who try end up going overboard
I find for myself and for many others I know alcohol promotes feeling of depression, I rarely drink more than two or three beers in a day not because of this, but I find that it helps
Drinking alone regularly can get out of hand pretty quick, I have lost touch with lots of friends who just started staying at home alone drinking themselves to death
Pharmaceuticals are in my opinion no good at all, Not saying I never touch them but (assuming you are talking about benzos and opiates) they are far too addictive and have far fewer positive aspects than negative
Psychedelics help me a bunch, Quality medicine isn't always accessible for everybody, but things like mushrooms and DMT can easily be made from scratch for personal use and I find that lots of reading and music are also necessary to remain sane and happy
i dont even remember what this post was about, fingers just started typing after a couple hits of some shit that tasted just like fruity pebbles
-------------------- Glass By: US Tubes, ZOB, Roor.de, Sheldon Black, Jerome Baker, Medicali, Kennaroo, Sand, Alex K, Local and Unknown Artists
Quote: Sobeiyt said: ..I have a bunch of different roads I want to take in life but feel I am uncapable of following any of these, accept my hitchike / trainhop around america plan, or my join the army and KILL FOR PEACE??? plan.
My goals are finally enrolling in college, which I think I will fail out of really quickly..
Run away dude. Explore. The only reason anyone ever gets depressed is because they're depriving themselves, willingly or not, of the real mindblowinglyvast potential of everything that is out there. Everything that is this.
This may not sound like sound advice, but, you can technically go to college at any point in your life. You're only young once. You're still a thriving being full of possibilities and potential. Now is the time to expand.
so true. and im gonna live it up once im off drug court. moving out west somewhere.
that didn't click with me for the longest, and now that it did im gonna make the most of the youth i have left. to try and establish myself in a good way for my future. so i can be what i want, where i want, around who i want.
-------------------- niteowl said: See, that term pedo gets thrown around a lot.
Is a 16 year old guy having sex w/a 16 year old girl a pedophile?
If not, then how is a 30 year old considered a pedophile for doing the same thing?
I think y'all need to look up the definition for pedophile.
There is no running away, I have permission to do what ever I want, I was going to go hitchhiking / trainhopping and see how far east I can make it, I am in california. But then I pussied about because of all the legal trouble and saftey factors when it comes to train hopping, and no one would go with me.
I realise what you said also and I have a neverending urge to do this, I AM only young once and after these next few years I will probably never get this chance again, I am done with highschool, not yet in college, and don't have a job, nothing is keeping me from going, besides my self...
I need motivation and a strategy to go... I looked at my local train yard and it is only for people... I have no clue where a freight yard is. I was going to enroll in online classes in the next week or 2. But IDK.
What should I do guys? Bow down to society and enroll, or live life and go?
-------------------- Things you can do, some can't be done!
-------------------- niteowl said: See, that term pedo gets thrown around a lot.
Is a 16 year old guy having sex w/a 16 year old girl a pedophile?
If not, then how is a 30 year old considered a pedophile for doing the same thing?
I think y'all need to look up the definition for pedophile.
My mom is dissapointed though She thinks I want to be a bum!
But I found a cool ass site, thats about the town I am from, I guess its a really famous catch point for train hopping, and there is even like a little culture thing that follow it. REALLY cool stuff. I think I might just hop a train up to oakland, visit the protests, down to LA, vist the protests, and then back home and start college. Then during summer and shit, go as far as I can!
-------------------- Things you can do, some can't be done!
whatever makes YOU happy, and whatever YOUR ok with
thats all that matters
-------------------- niteowl said: See, that term pedo gets thrown around a lot.
Is a 16 year old guy having sex w/a 16 year old girl a pedophile?
If not, then how is a 30 year old considered a pedophile for doing the same thing?
I think y'all need to look up the definition for pedophile.
If you haven't hopped a train before, I really recommend you at least talk to some people who have. I have friends who are buskers; they travel on freight trains, and they always tell me DO NOT try it alone your first time.
-------------------- "So it goes."
-Kurt Vonnegut
BlueBerry_Swisher said:I want French fries. No, I want a penis French. Thank you. I'm so excited. I can not contain myself. Now I eat chocolate. It is so good. I'm trying to rub it all over myself. And then lick. Now I need a hot shower. The end.
Quote: Sobeiyt said: My mom is dissapointed though She thinks I want to be a bum!
But I found a cool ass site, thats about the town I am from, I guess its a really famous catch point for train hopping, and there is even like a little culture thing that follow it. REALLY cool stuff. I think I might just hop a train up to oakland, visit the protests, down to LA, vist the protests, and then back home and start college. Then during summer and shit, go as far as I can!
Ha, I think my parents feel the same way. And I have a degree. I think I kinda went through what you are going through earlier this year. With the exception of the sober part (its actually been the opposite since lsd came into my life). But you really can't let your parents get in the way of your happiness. Living up to someone elses standard isn't living your own life. I hate how we teach our parents to indoctrinate our kids. anyway, I would do a ton of research on this trainhoping business. I've never done it but I'm sure there are some websites out there that cater to people who do it as a lifestyle. Find those site, become a bit active, research and prepare yourself. Good luck!
Quote: Sobeiyt said: My mom is dissapointed though She thinks I want to be a bum!
But I found a cool ass site, thats about the town I am from, I guess its a really famous catch point for train hopping, and there is even like a little culture thing that follow it. REALLY cool stuff. I think I might just hop a train up to oakland, visit the protests, down to LA, vist the protests, and then back home and start college. Then during summer and shit, go as far as I can!
Ha, I think my parents feel the same way. And I have a degree. I think I kinda went through what you are going through earlier this year. With the exception of the sober part (its actually been the opposite since lsd came into my life). But you really can't let your parents get in the way of your happiness. Living up to someone elses standard isn't living your own life. I hate how we teach our parents to indoctrinate our kids. anyway, I would do a ton of research on this trainhoping business. I've never done it but I'm sure there are some websites out there that cater to people who do it as a lifestyle. Find those site, become a bit active, research and prepare yourself. Good luck!
Yeah I have done alot of research and joined the forum on Digihitch.com, its a very useful site, I have been thinking about doing this for a very long time and even posted about it on the shroomery awhile back, I asked a friend to go with me, shes kind of a street smart street rat and shes hopped trains before but I have a feeling she just won't go.. And dude, I stopped smoking marijuana because of LSD, Idk what really did it but daily smoking made me feel crazy and think irationally and be even more depressed. LSD has been the best thing I have ever done but also probably the worst, besides meth. My most terrible trip was also my greatest, so weird! I have tried taking it after my really bad trip and even off 1 tab I get paranoid as fuck and think ridiculous thoughts. But I do want to and probably will take like 5 tabs sometime in the future, because I just need to take enough to get past my ego, if there is no me to fight back I will have a good trip.. Off 1 tab I get weird little visuals and mind games, like not even like lsd visuals, like meth visuals where they are not psychedelic, just REAL! Like one time I hallucinated that everyone in the room I was with was staring at the wall above me at something on the wall and then someone said "whats on the wall above (me) that everyone can look at but (I) can't look at" and then I got this like really erie feeling that death was behind me and if I turned around I would die. That was only on 1 tab... everyone else had a fun trip. The only psychedelic thing I got during that trip was looking closely at things and seeing tiny little gears turning on them. Sorry I wrote so much, but yeah!
-------------------- Things you can do, some can't be done!
Quote: nannybooboo said: I used to be a member on digihitch
Just don't try to hop onto a moving train car, many people have lost their legs trying to do so.
So I have heard so many times, and that when it looks like the train is going slow, wait a little longer, because it could still be going like 30+ mph Thanks for your help!
-------------------- Things you can do, some can't be done!
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Things you can do, some can't be done!
She thinks I want to be a bum!
