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 beneath
Stranger
Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 5
Last seen: 13 years, 1 month
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 damn heroin, need some support. 
#587378 - 09/19/11 11:10 AM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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was on heroin then went on methadone, wish never went on methadone. maybe check out previous posts from a while ago about it if u want more background.
I was on 50mg and came down to 20mg in 5mg reductions every month. i was reducing my 'done because i might be going to visit family in Australia,can't take methadone with me.
Everything changed, my mental state went completely fucked and i started using heroin again, projectile vomiting extremely painful stomach cramps, wretching, pain, sleep almost completely vanished, really suicidal. blew all my money again after i just sorted it out after my last binge. etc etc
Everything seemed to be fine with my reductions then out of nowhere i started to rattle really bad, even though it was tolerable all the other reductions 25mg to 20mg, seemed to bring on all the withdrawal at once or something,
I'm just writing this to put it down on 'paper' that i just shot my last 0.25g and took my 20 mg methadone. When i was taking the H i miss my Methadone dose so I get a better hit, anyway that last hit sucked. it sucks. the whole lifestyle doesn't go anywhere, I've had my fun and know i should get out while i can.
I have blunted emotions or my mood is all over the fucking place, it feels like i was having a mental breakdown. i hate being a fucking slave to this shit. It took me away from playing my music and i live for music but music is emotions and mine are fucked.
I Can't bear to live like this, this is no life. it started out great then just nosedived. I just keep thinking " what the fuck have i done to myself, what a stupid fucking thing to do" what was i thinking.
I'm just gonna stick to my 20mg methadone then i want to come of that, tapering seems like a drawn out torture, I'd rather just quit everything bu my mental state goes crazy, I've already got mental health problems, i basically came out the psyche ward and onto heroin, now I'm at this position. Almost 2 years have past and it feels like it wasn't that long ago i got out of hospital. Heroin Freezes you in time and creates a warm euphoric diversion while raping your soul.
I don't know how to live properly anymore, you get out of the habit of living and doing thing cos you can just sit about doing nothing and feel good on heroin.
My brain just feels scattered, i can't eat right, i just feel absolutely destroyed, and i KNOW that it can get worse, but if it did then i think it'd be enough to drive me over the edge.
I just want my life back, i want to feel okay enough to eat and be able to play and record my music
man i don't know.
(if you just gonna judge me and not have any constructive help or opinions then just don't post please)
edit: when i was reducing my methadone i'd start withdrawing a bit before my next dose and when i took my dose, i actually got a bit of a buzz and i think that had something to do with waking up the dragon a bit more too
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 still beLIEve
State Property..Again
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,167
Loc: a world thats not my own
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: beneath]
#587386 - 09/19/11 11:42 AM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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get off dat shit bra
sucks
--------------------
niteowl said:
See, that term pedo gets thrown around a lot.
Is a 16 year old guy having sex w/a 16 year old girl a pedophile?
If not, then how is a 30 year old considered a pedophile for doing the same thing?
I think y'all need to look up the definition for pedophile.
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KaptKid
Spaced Pirate
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 5,615
Loc: Bright Side of the Sun
Last seen: 1 year, 21 days
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 Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: beneath]
#587389 - 09/19/11 11:55 AM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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Good luck
And get away from that shit.
--------------------
Child of the 60's, Tripping ever sence.
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: beneath]
#587414 - 09/19/11 02:20 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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I can say that I know how you feel. I have been battling with myself for a year now to get off the shit, maybe even 2 years.
I just started getting clean. The first days were hell, no sleep, restless nights, nausea, and all that. BUT it gets better.
I am on day 3 right now of being clean and I am starting to feel a little better. Not 100% but well enough to get out of bed for the first time in days.
My advice is to go into a detox facility if you cant do it on your own. It's hard but it will work.
Give it 5-6 days off and you wouldnt believe how much different you will feel. I finally feel like I am coming through to the other side myself. It's definitely going to be an every day fight and the easy thing is to quit but you got to own it.
For me, I had my dealer change his number and now I just have no way to get it any more.
Best of luck man, If you need any more help or advice.. Post up. I will make sure to bookmark this post.
Here's to hoping that tomorrow is a better day. For both of us.
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Tangerines
Grease Wizard
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 9,497
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: beneath]
#587418 - 09/19/11 02:30 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
beneath said:
I just want my life back
Then you need to take it back but it won't happen without a whole bunch of shit. Get off the opes, period. Fuck methadone, fuck dope, fuck subs.
Also, this is for KP as well, keep in mind that the physical withdrawals are absolutely nothing compared to the mental agony one gets from going from a opiate filled system to an opiate free one. The first 3-9 months will be easier as you will be on the ubiquitous "pink cloud" which is just you feeling good just because you know you are clean.
You will hit a wall eventually after the pink cloud where the depression really hits hard. Trust me, ask anyone who went through it. Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms, PAWS, are worse than the actual initial withdrawal phase. You can go 6 months after quitting feeling awesome and optimistic and next thing you know you are getting cold sweats, shivers, depression, anxiety out of the blue. That as far as I can tell never goes away but slowly subsides with time.
I digress, you have quite a rocky, slippery road in front of you.
But a nigga has got to pay the piper or continue sucking the piper's cock, as they say.
Cheers!
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: Tangerines]
#587420 - 09/19/11 02:35 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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I know I am just at the beginning of the fight but I will take it as it comes. Like you said, the price you pay to play the game.
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I_AM_SWIM
Someone Who Isn't McKenna
Registered: 06/08/09
Posts: 1,337
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: Picklez]
#587554 - 09/20/11 01:32 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm bumping this, because I have a few posts that have lowered this to the bottom of the main page.
Here is my advice:
Don't go to a site that promotes drug-use for support. If you can afford
rehab or have insurance that will cover it, do that. It sucks, but it's the best option for
detox and support.
Sometimes you have to change your friends and playground in order to recover.
This isn't always the case, as people are different, and some can quit cold turkey; and the
withdrawals are severe enough to cause people to never want to go through it again. But that
is usually a rare thing.
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ltd
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 6,042
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: beneath]
#587628 - 09/20/11 04:49 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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Change associations, places, and things. Go to rehab if possible.
Stop living a lifeless life.
All that good shit.
Godspeed.
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: ltd]
#587649 - 09/20/11 07:35 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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instead of doing black, i snorted some white
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DungenessDank
Lord of the Flies
Registered: 05/05/08
Posts: 9,372
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: Picklez]
#587651 - 09/20/11 07:39 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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Helpful as always 
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: DungenessDank]
#587655 - 09/20/11 08:00 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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Hey I am actually going thru w/d's right now. today was the worst. i know as well as anyone what he's feeling and going thru
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I_AM_SWIM
Someone Who Isn't McKenna
Registered: 06/08/09
Posts: 1,337
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: Picklez]
#587669 - 09/20/11 08:15 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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I hope you recovers good man.
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: I_AM_SWIM]
#587670 - 09/20/11 08:16 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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me too. 3 days down.
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I_AM_SWIM
Someone Who Isn't McKenna
Registered: 06/08/09
Posts: 1,337
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: Picklez]
#587673 - 09/20/11 08:24 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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Sweet, I'm three days sober as well. 
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KaptKid
Spaced Pirate
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 5,615
Loc: Bright Side of the Sun
Last seen: 1 year, 21 days
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: I_AM_SWIM]
#587674 - 09/20/11 08:28 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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alot of time.
--------------------
Child of the 60's, Tripping ever sence.
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: KaptKid]
#587675 - 09/20/11 08:29 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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gotta start somewhere
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I_AM_SWIM
Someone Who Isn't McKenna
Registered: 06/08/09
Posts: 1,337
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: Picklez]
#587766 - 09/21/11 12:59 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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0 days sober. 
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: I_AM_SWIM]
#587808 - 09/21/11 05:13 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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I actually felt decent today. Hopefully tonight and tomorrow are even better. Still didnt sleep last night, but that could have been from all the coke
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I_AM_SWIM
Someone Who Isn't McKenna
Registered: 06/08/09
Posts: 1,337
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: Picklez]
#587845 - 09/21/11 07:55 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah, coke will do that to ya.
I just started feeling w/d's today.
So I took my last perc and a few hydrocodones, and they definitely helped ease the w/d's.
I'm weening myself off, because I can't afford to go cold turkey while I'm in school.
So I guess I could say that I am 4 days sober since I didn't get any high. 
feels bad man tho, I wish I was  right now.
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: I_AM_SWIM]
#587856 - 09/21/11 08:18 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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Using perks and vicodins doesnt count as being clean brah. even I know that.
I hear ya about school though. I have fucked up the past 2 weeks trying to get clean. I am going to spend this weekend at my parents place so I will have a week of sobriety come Sunday.
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I_AM_SWIM
Someone Who Isn't McKenna
Registered: 06/08/09
Posts: 1,337
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: Picklez]
#587861 - 09/21/11 08:40 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah, but I'm not high from the percs and vikes. Yeah, I'm not really 'clean', but I'm
sober with the help of drugs..
I've been putting off school work, so now I have a load of shit I have to do; all due
around the same time too, so I gotta get crackin' on that. I've already started, and I'm here taking a break.
The problem for me is I undergo a major existential nihilistic perspective on thangs, and
become depressed. I think it's because of the benzo's I'm prescribed, and the lack of
opiates too, or maybe that's just how life is sometimes. But as soon as I took the opiates I
felt 'normal' again, and felt like my work actually 'mattered', even if it doesn't in the
grand scheme of things.
I think I might need to start hitting the DMT again, since that has helped me stay away from
addictive drugs before.
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: I_AM_SWIM]
#587880 - 09/21/11 09:38 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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spoken like a true addict... come on dude. get your shit together. If I can, anyone can.
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I_AM_SWIM
Someone Who Isn't McKenna
Registered: 06/08/09
Posts: 1,337
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: Picklez]
#587943 - 09/22/11 07:46 AM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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Not really, I was prescribed the percs and hydros to ween off opiates. The problem is, I
abused the percs. But now I'm taking it seriously, and using the hydros to ease the w/d.
I know I'm an addict, but I'm not going cold-turkey, because I can't afford to, especially
when I have classes everyday of the week.
You wouldn't say someone who takes methadone or suboxone that they aren't clean or sober for
taking their prescribed medication; medication used in order to stay clean and sober.
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Tangerines
Grease Wizard
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 9,497
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: I_AM_SWIM]
#587950 - 09/22/11 08:09 AM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
I_AM_SWIM said:
You wouldn't say someone who takes methadone or suboxone that they aren't clean or sober for
taking their prescribed medication
Sure I would. It's the ol' switcheroo. Sure they may not be banging dope, but their brain is still yearning for those opioids and they are far from sober. Just because you take prescribed meds doesn't mean you are clean.
Quote:
I_AM_SWIM said:
Not really, I was prescribed the percs and hydros to ween off opiates. The problem is, I
Well what a shitty doctor. What doctor prescribes an addict abusable drugs? I can understand if you had to go in everyday like with a 'done clinic.
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I_AM_SWIM
Someone Who Isn't McKenna
Registered: 06/08/09
Posts: 1,337
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: Tangerines]
#587955 - 09/22/11 08:17 AM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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meh whatever, poid
u guize (poids) just make me want to start banging dilaudid cuz of the petty arguin'
j/k
but still, I feel sorry if you guys have to argue over silly shit that has nothing to do
with you. You don't know my doctor, or my situation, so stop trying to win arguments for the
sake of NOTHING.
Edited by I_AM_SWIM (09/22/11 08:25 AM)
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DungenessDank
Lord of the Flies
Registered: 05/05/08
Posts: 9,372
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: I_AM_SWIM]
#587957 - 09/22/11 08:58 AM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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No one is saying you aren't making progress, but to call yourself "sober" is dishonest if you are still on opiates regularly.
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: I_AM_SWIM]
#587972 - 09/22/11 11:48 AM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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The real w/d's dont start til you have no opiates in your system.
My past 4 days have been absolute hell. Think ive got about 2 hours of sleep each night
You got the weekend coming up, you should use that time to get your mind right. I am looking forward to hopefully feeling good by Monday. That'd be 7 days for me
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Tangerines
Grease Wizard
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 9,497
Last seen: 6 years, 6 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: DungenessDank]
#587980 - 09/22/11 12:32 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
DungenessDank said:
No one is saying you aren't making progress, but to call yourself "sober" is dishonest if you are still on opiates regularly.
The justification prowess of the modern day junkie knows no bounds. A junkie would justify fucking their dead, rotting mother if it got them another hit.
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DungenessDank
Lord of the Flies
Registered: 05/05/08
Posts: 9,372
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: Tangerines]
#587981 - 09/22/11 12:33 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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I_AM_SWIM
Someone Who Isn't McKenna
Registered: 06/08/09
Posts: 1,337
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: DungenessDank]
#588006 - 09/22/11 01:45 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
DungenessDank said:
No one is saying you aren't making progress, but to call yourself "sober" is dishonest if you are still on opiates regularly.
I'm not on them regularly
I took 3 days off of them completely, and once I started feeling the start of w/d's i took a 5mg hydrocodone.
I took them 4 times within the day. about 1 every 4-6 hours.
That's 20mg. And it produces no high for me, because I usually go through 200mg a day with hydrocodone.
If a drug doesn't get me high, then does that make me high or sober?
Yeah, I agree that i'm not 'clean', but i wouldn't say that I'm not sober either.
Either way, this all ends into the debate of semantics, and if any of you really want to take it to that level, go right ahead, I won't participate.
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Picklez
Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 17,919
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: I_AM_SWIM]
#588029 - 09/22/11 02:59 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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I wasnt trying to ball bust but as someone who is going through w/d's and recovering, I would consider it still using if I was using ANY opiate. Including synthetics like Suboxone.
Got to say, I am finally starting to feel better today even though I still am not sleeping. Maybe tonight?
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Keats
Stranger
Registered: 09/11/11
Posts: 22
Last seen: 13 years, 2 months
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Re: damn heroin, need some support. [Re: Picklez]
#588114 - 09/22/11 11:12 PM (13 years, 2 months ago) |
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So far so good my friend. Get through tomorrow and have a good time out of town this weekend. Keep it up 
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