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 iStoner
Astral Beast
Registered: 06/09/10
Posts: 7,176
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 HOW to make a friend feel better? 
#514170 - 01/15/11 11:52 PM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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I have a friend, and his father died in iraq about a year ago.
SOme days he will be fine, other days he will be so depressed, its like sometimes it just hits him so hard that his dad is gone.
I feel so bad for him and i want him to feel better again. He's not his old self at all.
Does anyone know what i could do to to help him out? or what he could do himself?
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FarBeyondDriven
Truthfully, I'm a bullshitter
Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 13,834
Loc: Greenbow, Alabama
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: iStoner]
#514172 - 01/15/11 11:54 PM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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Talk to him man, all you can do.
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iStoner
Astral Beast
Registered: 06/09/10
Posts: 7,176
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: FarBeyondDriven]
#514173 - 01/15/11 11:55 PM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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Thats what i'm doing, god damn, i really feel bad for him.
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 FRACTALife
Rust Fuckin' Cohle
Registered: 03/19/10
Posts: 6,838
Loc: Carcosa 
Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: iStoner]
#514175 - 01/16/11 12:09 AM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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All I can say is experience it with him.
Talk to him, go out on a long walk.
Maybe a psychedelic session could help? Of course it would have to be gentle, positive, and warm.
Give him love.
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T-Rex
Herbsman
Registered: 03/15/10
Posts: 4,920
Loc: Devils Marbles 
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: FRACTALife]
#514177 - 01/16/11 12:16 AM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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You really need to stop prescribing psychedelic sessions Dr. Phil, they don't cure everything. I saw you typing a reply in the people online thing and I was actually gonna reply before you did telling you not to reply if you were gonna mention that sorta stuff.
Talk to him, help him get it all out in the open, get him to talk it over with his mum and family. Remind him his dad died doing his duty and wouldn't want him to sit and cry over his death, but rather celebrate and discuss his life 
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csmandpking
Shroomer
Registered: 12/17/10
Posts: 171
Loc: Shroomery
Last seen: 11 years, 11 months
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: T-Rex]
#514188 - 01/16/11 02:26 AM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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Lost my dad and my youngest brother to a house fire when I was 12. From experience, Just let them get it out. I had the most "trouble" with anger.
Every sending me to counseling, when truely beating the shit outta that drywall made me feel better. Just be their for support and Just dont say anything if you cant think of anything right off. I could not stand it when ppl tried to sympathize with me just cause it was the right thing to do. Always better to say nothing than something thats gunna eat away at someone. Though you being a close friend... I'm sure it wont be an issue.
I feel bad for him man. Just help him keep his head held high.
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The monster is always in us...
you are smart baby!
cept for when youre really high...then you turn into my other boyfriend dippy.
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CrayolaHalls
Dreams of Oceans
Registered: 08/15/10
Posts: 588
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: FRACTALife]
#514191 - 01/16/11 02:59 AM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
FRACTALife said:
Maybe a psychedelic session could help? Of course it would have to be gentle, positive, and warm.
I have to agree with T-Rex on the idea that psychedelic sessions are not a cure all. I think even a situation with the best of intentions isn't enough. Sometimes it can work, I will give you that. The problem is that if you really don't have a grasp on what the person has internalized and how to correctly deal with it then you are taking a big gamble (loving vibes, while nice, aren't always the answer). Psychedelic sessions can bring out, or create, negative as easily as they can create positive effects. INTERNAL set and setting have to be considered for each participant.
There are much fewer chances of something worse happening to someone through intimate conversations and having patience. If real help is needed and suicide or harmful behaviors are possible then real help should be sought, not amateur psychology.
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I am not a cannabis grower. I find the cannabis growers to be the most open to experimenting and sharing out of all of the different botany groups I enjoy. I frequently use the suggestions that I find to apply to own organic gardening and food production.
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RasJeph
Psycho Pete
Registered: 01/14/09
Posts: 11,657
Loc: Bumfuckt Egypt
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: CrayolaHalls]
#514213 - 01/16/11 07:25 AM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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Speaking as a (relatively) depressed person...I've gotta say, thats pretty normal (good days / bad days).
Also speaking from my own standpoint, theres nothing better than just chilling with some homies. A few beers a few bowls and a few hands of poker and everything seems OK to me.
Just be there dude. Its the best thing you can do. Maybe try to talk it out with him, but don't force it. Just give him a "whats up today man, you seem upset". Don't mention any specifics. If he wants to talk, he'll talk.
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Of course it's happening inside your head.
Why should that mean it isn't real?
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DungenessDank
Lord of the Flies
Registered: 05/05/08
Posts: 9,372
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: RasJeph]
#514218 - 01/16/11 07:37 AM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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^^^
Just get him out and do fun shit. Dudes mind can wonder too much if hes got nothing to do.
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drawde
Registered: 11/15/09
Posts: 5,268
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: DungenessDank]
#514226 - 01/16/11 08:28 AM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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Exactly, now more than ever in his life he needs to have fun and forget about everything else. Make time to do fun things with him and only talk about the problem when he brings it up, then be all ears. Most importantly just be kind.
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King Koopa said:
The amount of pot that Gask smokes is equivalent to a guy shooting heroin on weekends
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Nothing Is
Registered: 05/02/08
Posts: 646
Last seen: 8 months, 14 days
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: iStoner]
#514236 - 01/16/11 09:53 AM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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This isn't for your friend. He'll never really heal from something like that. Those kinds of wounds just pound you into the ground. You get up, but the next one's coming, and then it's your turn. That's how life goes. It all ends in death, without exception. And all the family members of all the Iraqi people who have been murdered by our military in this bullshit war feel just as shitty as your friend does. All just so the rich stay rich. That's why we have to get over all our patriotic bullshit as Americans and start telling the truth: Being a veteran is nothing to be proud of. Everything about it is shit, from top to bottom.
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FRACTALife
Rust Fuckin' Cohle
Registered: 03/19/10
Posts: 6,838
Loc: Carcosa
Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: iStoner]
#514319 - 01/16/11 01:58 PM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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I know what you mean guys, sorry about that. 
Just try and have a good time with him. Celebrate his father's life by talking about it with him.
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FarBeyondDriven
Truthfully, I'm a bullshitter
Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 13,834
Loc: Greenbow, Alabama
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: FRACTALife]
#514324 - 01/16/11 02:12 PM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
FRACTALife said:
I know what you mean guys, sorry about that.
Just try and have a good time with him. Celebrate his father's life by talking about it with him.
Just cuz you've done them once or twice doesn't mean it's the cure for everything. They could hurt him more than help him right now. Going into a trip in a bad frame of mind is a definite no no. Which of course, you know nothing about. I'm not trolling you right now or trying to talk shit or whatever, but I really do think you should stop passing out advice you know nothing about.
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Magash
The Feminizer
Registered: 04/21/08
Posts: 6,634
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: FarBeyondDriven]
#514355 - 01/16/11 03:27 PM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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Something like this usually does the trick for a little while
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All creatures tremble when faced with violence. All creatures fear death, all love life. If we can only see ourselves in others, then how could we possibly hurt another creature?
 Join us at the Growery!
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Bob
Mr. Bob
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 3
Loc: USA
Last seen: 13 years, 11 months
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: Magash]
#514356 - 01/16/11 03:34 PM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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Let him know its OK to feel the way he does and that he must heal on HIS time not anyone elses. Just being there for him is a very cool thing to do.
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Live * Love * Learn
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FarBeyondDriven
Truthfully, I'm a bullshitter
Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 13,834
Loc: Greenbow, Alabama
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: Magash]
#514358 - 01/16/11 03:39 PM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Magash said:
Something like this usually does the trick for a little while
pretty much everybody in this thread is right except fractallife
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iStoner
Astral Beast
Registered: 06/09/10
Posts: 7,176
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: FarBeyondDriven]
#514365 - 01/16/11 04:06 PM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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I'll probably by a gram an roll a couple joints for him, have some beers with some close friends.
He's more of his old self when he's with the group rather than by himself.
When your with yourself you tend to dwell on things.
Also to the guy that said to let him know it's okay to feel like that, that is great advice.
I know from experience that you can't be like "man you shouldnt be feeling like that" when you know he does have a right and reason to feel bad.
Its my dads bday today, I couldn't even begin to imagine what t would be like not to have him around.
To that guy talking shit about military or whatever, fuck off, this isn't the thread for this. Whether we agree or not seriously.
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FRACTALife
Rust Fuckin' Cohle
Registered: 03/19/10
Posts: 6,838
Loc: Carcosa
Last seen: 7 years, 9 months
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: FarBeyondDriven]
#514384 - 01/16/11 05:29 PM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
FarBeyondDriven said:
Quote:
Magash said:
Something like this usually does the trick for a little while
pretty much everybody in this thread is right except fractallife
Hey bro, don't be an asshole.
I said pretty much everything that everyone else said. The only difference is I put in one tiny line about psychedelics. One tiny line about something that could help/hurt. Stop being a hypocritical asshole.
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FarBeyondDriven
Truthfully, I'm a bullshitter
Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 13,834
Loc: Greenbow, Alabama
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: FRACTALife]
#514388 - 01/16/11 05:36 PM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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How was I being hypocritical?
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volcomstoner
Just one more xanax
Registered: 03/30/09
Posts: 4,956
Loc: Gaybec
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Re: HOW to make a friend feel better? [Re: csmandpking]
#514393 - 01/16/11 06:02 PM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
csmandpking said:
Lost my dad and my youngest brother to a house fire when I was 12. From experience, Just let them get it out. I had the most "trouble" with anger.
Every sending me to counseling, when truely beating the shit outta that drywall made me feel better. Just be their for support and Just dont say anything if you cant think of anything right off. I could not stand it when ppl tried to sympathize with me just cause it was the right thing to do. Always better to say nothing than something thats gunna eat away at someone. Though you being a close friend... I'm sure it wont be an issue.
I feel bad for him man. Just help him keep his head held high.
god damn dude that fucking sucks. I recently had a house fire but everyone was ok.....
O nsubject just keep him busy but if he really seems like he wants some space then let him be alone. And imo bringing it up would be a bad idea and just make him more depressed
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Vas donc jouer dans le traffic
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