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 Shr0000ooooms
Cannabis Sampler
Registered: 10/22/09
Posts: 3,870
Loc: Hindu Kush Mountains
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 Greatest Thing I've Read. 
#498583 - 11/16/10 01:15 PM (14 years, 4 minutes ago) |
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One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
tldr; You're missing out.
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If I'm posting I'm high.
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 jkell
Midnight toker
Registered: 10/29/10
Posts: 512
Loc: Don' worry bout it
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
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Re: Greatest Thing I've Read. [Re: Shr0000ooooms]
#498598 - 11/16/10 02:30 PM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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Haha I've read this before too, it truly is the greatest thing I've ever read and that guy is a God among men.
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Shr0000ooooms
Cannabis Sampler
Registered: 10/22/09
Posts: 3,870
Loc: Hindu Kush Mountains
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Re: Greatest Thing I've Read. [Re: jkell]
#498602 - 11/16/10 02:43 PM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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The story made me wanna fuck someone though.
Can't wait till friday 
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If I'm posting I'm high.
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Shaggy420
Registered: 07/06/10
Posts: 3,372
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Re: Greatest Thing I've Read. [Re: Shr0000ooooms]
#498621 - 11/16/10 03:16 PM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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hahaha that was awesome 
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ChillWillis
old school fool
Registered: 06/14/09
Posts: 2,213
Last seen: 7 years, 10 months
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Re: Greatest Thing I've Read. [Re: Shaggy420]
#498632 - 11/16/10 03:53 PM (13 years, 11 months ago) |
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good stuff, I love it when you trick women into the exact bullshit they try to pull on you so they can see how ridiculous their entire sex is.
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It's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom.
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