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ltd
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Registered: 04/20/08
Posts: 6,042
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Re: Deep thoughts thread [Re: FRACTALife]
#483557 - 09/29/10 06:42 PM (14 years, 4 months ago) |
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Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
"I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure owed me a lot of money."
"I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals."
"If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now."
"If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink."
"Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit from a big rock half-buried in the ground. You pull and you pull, but you can't get the rock out of the ground. So you give it a good kick, but you lose your balance and go skidding down the hill toward the pool. Then out comes a big Hawaiian man who was screwing his wife beside the pool because they thought it was real pretty. He tells you to get out of there, but you start faking it, like you're talking Hawaiian, and then he gets mad and chases you..."
"We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town."
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