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TrueHerbCrystal said:
So, its Valentines Day and again, and like every year, I have no one to love.....

To cope, the last 4 years have been making it a ritual to go out and buy a dozen roses, a couple "apple pie" scented candles, download my favorite lesbian porn and buy a big bottle of Jergins(r) brand lotion, and please myself, by myself, in the lonely cold night that is Valentines Day....

But this year, I'm going to try something different....

I just got some good acid about a week ago, and I thought, what a better holiday to do acid then Valentines Day? And what a better time to go to a strip club then Valentines Day....

I've got the perfect club in mind....Its called "The Candy Shop" and the entrance is 18 and up (even thou I'm 22). Not only is the entrance limitations 18 and up, but the models are too! And I love the young girls, but not too young, 18 years old is my limit. And the reviews said it was multi-racial! My favorite kind of women! (according to my internet research).

Here's the the Tips I've Learned thus far from my internet research (and that one time I went to a strip club in Portland on Halloween),
for having the best Strip Club Experience ever....

• DO NOT Masturbate before you go to the club. Hold off for at least 2 days Minimum (Check! Last day was Friday night)
  
• Wear thin-clothed sweat pants or wind-breaks and by all means Do Not Wear underwear
  
• Bring only $1 bills and $20 bills, nothing else. And no change: Strippers don't like it when you throw quarters at them
  
• Before you get a lapdance, ask the girl: "Are you a post-op women?" (You don't wanna be surprized later)
  
• No cameras or video camcorders! (I really hate this tip, but its strip club rules....)
  
• Do NOT bring your own bright flashlight. The blacklighting is dark for a reason, and the bouncers don't like you shining up the "pretty" girls.
  
• When getting a lapdance, do NOT touch the girls: she can only touch YOU.* There is an expection: if you paid $100 for a 5 minute dance, you are allowed to touch her forearms and shoulders, but thats IT! No where else. (That sucks a big one.)
  
• Don't piss off the bouncer (see above)
  
• Like going to a restraunt, Come Hungery. Strip clubs usually have excellent all-you-can-eat buffets, so don't eat 2 days before the trip to the club (just like the masturbation rule)
  
• Don't assume every girl in there is a dancer....some girls go with their boyfriends (), and some even go with their girlfriends (the friends kind, not the sexy kind). Asking a girl for a 5 minute lapdance when they are not might piss them off, or compliment them, I'm not sure.
  
• Don't fall victim to "stripper girlfriend". Stripper girlfriend is when you think the stripper is in love with you because of how she looks at you with her amazing space-crystal eyes and soul-melting smiling. Remember, its their job to be really friendly: thats what gets them cumming back...
  
• Don't buy alcohol at the strip club: its very expensive! Drink alcohol on the way there, and enter the club drunk (but not too drunk, or you'll get kicked out) -> This doesn't apply to me, because I'll be on acid, and I don't need no stinkin' alcohol on acid.....
  
• This rule is very important and must be followed!!! No matter how hot the girls are, do NOT masturbate inside the strip club! That will surely piss off the bouncer! Its best to masturbate inside your car, in the parking lot, after you're "done" inside.
  
• Arrive at the club at night. That's when all the pretty models come on stage.
  
• If you're on a budget, don't sit at the front row at the stage. Front row sitters have to give cash to the dancers as they are dancing. That will get expensive if you're not rolling in it.
  
• Last rule: Have fun! Its all about watching hot girls get naked, getting a boner and hiding it from your felllow guy "friends", then spanking your salami when you get back in your car.
  

I think that's about it, is there anything I'm missing?

One thing I couldn't find is when is the best time to get to the strip club? 10pm? 11pm? Midnight? 1 in the morning?

And the Acid will come in handy in seeing in the dark, blacklight-lit stage, because my eyes will be as big as cats eyes hunting in the dark. Thanks for the side effect! Acid, You're my best friend!  

Thanks for any tips to you experienced strip club goers.


Its going to be one Amazing Valentines Day.....

For all those who are not lonely:
Enjoy that intimate V.D. sex!
~ TrueHerbCrystal ~

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i recognise this exact post from the shroomery some time ago